Saturday, April 18, 2009

The Truth.


I'm getting some things off my chest. ..

First, and foremost, if I was to send a letter in to Post Secret, 
it would be about my fear of being alone and not choosing to be so. 
Secret's out. I'm not antisocial in the least.

I miss the trees and lakes and mountains that are upstate 
far more than I lead on. Concrete and asphalt aren't very magical.
I'm almost afraid of what else COULD happen this spring, 
because terrible things have already come and gone.
 But this year, I know I'll get past it.

Lately I've noticed I'm far more neurotic than I ever realized.

It will take maybe more courage than I currently possess for me 
to actually move away from home, away from all of new york, 
and start life somewhere else. I wonder when and how I'll do it.
I want to believe in love, but I don't think it wants to believe in me.

If I find someone to replace you,
 does that mean that you'll really be gone forever? 
I don't know if I want to risk it.

I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am.

When I look back, I know I was much more spontaneous.
 I could go anywhere and do anything without thinking.
 I want that back.

When did everything in life start feeling like a dream 
I was never to wake up from?


all photos from Ffffound

2 comments:

Maeva said...

i wish you to recover your self assurance and freedom, not to be afraid of your questions, of your feelings that must be natural, without expectings or bad instincts.
Life can be cruel but always tell us lessons for a better future.
I'm far away, and we quite don't know very well each other but i can see you are someone special.
Let time goes by and breathe.

TheGreenFaerie said...

I know exactly how you feel. I wish I didn't because I'm only young..and if I feel this way now, what chance is there of optimism in the future.
Your blog displays a great deal of belief in the unique and beautiful.
Self reflective qualities.
In short, you're magic. You're golden.