Friday, January 30, 2009

My Lo-LEE-ta

God, what agony, that silky shimmer above her temple grading into bright brown hair.
...phantom little Lolitas dancing, falling, daisying all over the counter.
Nothing could have been more childish than her snubbed nose,
 freckled face or the purplish spot on her naked neck where a fairytale vampire had feasted...
Sometimes I attempt to kill in my dreams. But do you know what happens? 
For instance I hold a gun. For instance I aim at a bland, quietly interested enemy. 
Oh, I press the trigger all right, but one bullet after another feebly 
drops on the floor from the sheepish muzzle. In those dreams, 
my only thought is to conceal the fiasco from my foe, who is slowly growing annoyed.
And she was mine, she was mine, the key was in my fist, 
my fist was in my pocket, she was mine.
Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta:
 the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap,
 at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta. She was Lo, plain Lo, 
in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. 
She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line.
 But in my arms she was Lolita.
...a velvet hair ribbon was still clutched in her hand; her honey-brown body...
Everything was somehow so right that day. So blue and green.
...That vibrant sky seemed as naked as she was under her light frock.
 I saw her face in the sky, strangely distinct as if it emitted a faint radiance of its own.
We had been everywhere. We had really seen nothing.
And I catch myself thinking today that our long journey
 had only defiled with a sinuous trail of slime the lovely, trustful, dreamy, 
enormous country that by then, in retrospect, was no more to us than a collection 
of dog-eared maps, ruined tour books, old tires, and her sobs in the night-
every night, every night- the moment I feigned sleep.
...Because what I feared most was not that she might ruin me, 
but that she might accumulate sufficient cash to run away. 
I believe the poor fierce-eyed child had figured out 
that with a mere fifty dollars in her purse she might
 somehow reach Broadway or Hollywood...
What stopped me was that awful feeling that if I meddled with fate 
in any way and tried to rationalize her fantastic gift, that gift would be snatched away...

excerpts from Vladimir Nabokov's "Lolita".

This post took me a long time to finish.
Mostly because this story is so captivating that I found myself re-reading it as I went along.
If you haven't read it, do so immediately.
It will stay with you whether you like it or not.
Anyway, hope you are all well, dears. Love you!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

We pass the time, time, time.

Hello my darlings!
As promised, here are some shots
from different photo shoots I've had lately.
Hope you're all well, love you all.

all photos and polaroids by me.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Chelsea Girls

I am a city child
I live at The Plaza
I live on the top floor
Of course I am apt to be on any floor at any time
And if I want to go anywhere I simply take the elevator
For instance if I happen to be on the second floor I just
press the button until it comes up and as soon as that
door is open I get in and say "fifth floor please" and
when those doors clank shut we ride up and I get out on
the 5th floor and as soon as that elevator is out of
sight I skibble up those stairs to the 8th floor and then
I press that button and when that elevator comes up and
as soon as that door is open I get in and say "15th floor
please" and then when those doors clank shut we ride up 
and I get out on the 15th floor and as soon as that elevator 
is out of sight I skibble down to the 12th floor and press
that button and when that same elevator comes up and those
doors open I say "The Lobby please" and then those doors
clank shut and we ride down without saying absolutely one word
and then I get into the next elevator and go all the way up.

excerpt from Kay Thompson's "Eloise"

I love these stories because of their playful and childlike demeanor.
Which is just how I am feeling this very moment.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Emotional Russian Roulette

"She trembled at the sound of the telephone, 
which started ringing just as she was stretching out her hand for the receiver. 
Like many creatures leading an unprotected life, 
she regarded the telephone as her only source of help."
"And as the statue was fond of me into the bargain-fond,
 much too fond really- the whole thing seemed easy, 
agreeable, intoxicating, lasting, and I thought myself an astonishing fellow."
"My poor beautiful darling, my poor, poor beautiful darling. 
These are things that I ought never to tell you! My poor beautiful darling,
 if you only knew how cheated of everything I feel. And then I go and send for you."
"I swear to you, when I first found myself with that rose colored body-
 it was the color of pink wax- in my arms, and that endless mass of hair, 
so long and thick I was almost frightened when it was all spread out in my bed..."
"Politics aren't the only thing I've been warned off.
 You know, in Paris, somehow, the intimacy of married life
 seems to be a very small part of the twenty-four hours."
"All the outfit needs is a dark grey man. But that's an expensive accessory."
"As the clock of the neighboring school tolled the succeeding hours 
she wondered, 'How could I have stood that clock chiming 
the hours and the halves and the quarters all this time? 
I'll never be able to get used to it again. I'll have to move'."
"Everything she did seemed easy and even pleasant, but not entirely satisfying."
"She had lived a great deal among lies, 
before plumping for a small life of her own,
 a sincere and restricted life from which all pretence, 
even in matters sensual, was banished."
"He didn't say I was his Great Love; he'd get it quite clear; 
he said I was the Woman of his Life."
"He'd keep me from ruining myself, or from being taken in, 
People can always ruin themselves again,
 even when they've got nothing."

All quotes from Colette's, "Julie de Carneilhan"

I am having a wonderful weekend.